As Temple Grandin has said, autism is based in fear – fear of all the unknowns of this world, from how to communicate to reading facial expressions to trying something new. I understood his fear. I was gentle in my persistence to communicate with my son and it paid off. Once he understood I was there to comfort him and fight the fears with him the learning began. We moved ever forward, sometimes at a snails pace, and other times with leaps and bounds. Now let’s look at my son as he is today – 24 years after his autism diagnosis:

Social interaction with others is still an area that we work on daily. He converses, even when it’s difficult for him, and as he does so, he looks into your eyes. If you smile, he smiles. Matt has an interest in the people he knows and loves. If someone feels bad or is happy – so is Matt. I have found that Matt actually has more empathy than most neurotypical individuals. He cares deeply about his family, his pets and his home. He will stand up to another person if he feels that person is wrong in their behavior and he always champions for those whom he feels is weaker.

He is uncomfortable at times around people he hasn’t officially met, but an introduction opens the door to acceptance. He can be in the middle of an enormous crowd of people he doesn’t know without showing any signs of apprehension as he has learned to focus on other things. Actually, Matt enjoys the adventure of going out. Football games, flea markets, beach combing….crowds are just not a concern anymore.

Communication. In the early years I was most worried about his ability to speak, as I knew the brain would stop attempting speech around 5 years old. If he didn’t speak by age 5 his chances of ever being able to speak would be minimal. I have read that 40% of all autistic children have no speech – that’s a very scary statistic . .. and a very sad one. Matt began speaking just before his 5th birthday. We passed through the echolalia stage next (about2 years worth) and then his speech seemed to improve yearly. He developed a wonderful sense of humor, gained insights into neurotypical behaviors and speech and adapted his own behaviors to more closely resemble what he saw.

Types of Play. As a young child, Matt spun toys and the wheels of toy trucks, trains, and cars. But as he learned new outlets for communication and imagination; in art, games and books - the spinning stopped. Matt still has a fascination for particular topics but he has expanded his interests to many new areas. Although he still likes to be alone for several hours each day, he also enjoys being with others. Keeping to routines are mostly a thing of the past also, (with the exception of Friday night pizza), there really are no set in stone routines anymore.

Sensory. Matt still has some hypersensitivity and certain sensations can still cause discomfort on occasion. His showers are still luke-warm and his room dimly lit, but he doesn’t avoid loud sounds anymore. He is still very particular about what he wears, especially on his feet, but he has overcome a tremendous amount of hypersensitivity in his clothing. He tries new foods – doesn’t eat them, mind you – but he will taste-test. There's always that hope that any day now he could add a new food to his limited menu. Pain, unfortunately, is still an unknown. We are always vigilant for signs of pain because we are unsure if he would reveal his pain to us before it becomes life-threatening. But a recent illness showed me that he could take care of himself with rest, fluids and medication all self determined and administered.

Stereotypical Behaviors. These are a thing of the past. We haven’t seen any for many, many years now.

Matt is 26 years old and we take each step forward now at his pace. I accept Matt for who he is and I don’t push him to change any particular behavior – instead I suggest various ways to achieve the things he wants and help him focus on the steps toward his goals. If he never changed another habit or behavior he would still be the light of my life and me his proud mama. Matt chooses what to change, what to improve on, and what is fine just the way it is. When new challenges are met or old ones are overcome, we celebrate in this house – not because we want him to change, but because Matt sought to change - it’s always a big deal, and it always has been. I recognize that he is continually trying to be the man he wants to be and I am in awe of his courage and willingness to do what it takes to accomplish that goal. I can honestly say that his progress has been one unexpected joy after another and that’s because I remember where we started. Each year we fought battles, met challenges head on and set new goals. It wasn’t a picnic, but it wasn’t all doom and gloom either. Life has been an adventure, and not just for Matt. I know I am a better human being for having the opportunity of sharing my life with this incredible young man.

Many years ago I was asked if I believed in miracles. Without hesitation I replied, “I see them every single day”. I was of course, referring to Matt and the wonderful way each day provided some tiny step forward, some steps so small you would miss them if you weren’t looking. I’m always looking- eager to witness that next miracle. Each time I see a small step forward my heart is filled with hope that my son's dreams will be realized. For those new to raising the autistic child, I send you that same hope. Hope - that you see the tiny steps. Hope – that you see and understand the courage it takes to make those steps. Hope – that autism as a disability will not define your child, but autism as a uniqueness will be seen instead. Hope – that your child’s dreams will eventually be realized. Hope.......that you too will witness miracles every day.